Vintage Story

Epistemological epiphany:
Life must be lived forwards,
but can only be understood backwards
Mercifully, life may be enjoyed sideways!

Full Moon: September 7, 2006. Allen Dale Olson a/k/a the Pontiff of Palate, Story Inn’s Wine Connoisseur. Copyright 2006 Story Bed & Breakfast, LLP, d/b/a Story Inn, all rights reserved.

    TOAST--BUT WITH CARE

            The practice of toasting began in late medieval times, even though ancient peoples usually clinked their glasses together to frighten out any evil spirits that may have been caught up in their alcohol. They knew that noise never disturbed good spirits. The name of the toasting custom resulted from the bits of toast soaked in wine much as we use croutons in soup today. Alcohol hasn’t always been tasty, so all kinds of diversions have been applied to ease the discomfort of seeking euphoria.

            It is customary for toasters to stand and for toastees to remain seated, but should you be part of a British Royal Navy function, there is no need to stand. Ever since Charles II bashed his head on a beam while toasting on the royal yacht, navy toasts in England are sitting down affairs.

            If you are the toaster, it’s a good idea to keep several things in mind. First, make sure your toast will be understood. After Roosevelt and Churchill had been toasted at a banquet in Tehran, Marshall Stalin stood and made some short remarks in Russian. The Anglos assumed he had also proposed a toast and reached for their glasses, while all the Russians in the room heeded the Marshal’s announcement that “the men’s room is out the door and to the right.”

            You should also know what you’re toasting with. At a Japanese Embassy banquet in Washington, a U.S. diplomat proposed his toast then picked up and drank from his finger bowl.  

            In the old days toasts were taken very seriously, often with long-term consequences. They were oaths of honor. This is not to say they are not serious today, but we haven’t noticed the old Saxon custom lately when men were required to draw their swords across their foreheads to allow a drop of blood to fall into their glasses to be drunk in honor of their lady love or their lord and ruler. At Story, we’re especially happy that glasses are no longer crashed against the wall after a toast to protect the sacred memory of that toast and assure that no other toast will ever again sully that glass.

            Toasts really are intended to honor a person or event. They can be humorous, reverent, hopeful, thankful, loving, even a bit naughty, but they should reflect the tastes, achievements, and personality of the toastee.

            Wine courtesy almost dictates that companions salute one another before sipping. Hence, a nod of the head and a simple “Cheers” does the trick. It can even be flattering – or not – in Scandinavia for a man to gaze intently at a lady of his interest during the initial sip.

            With wine, “Cheers” can be replaced by a salute in the language of the wine’s origin – Sante, zum Wohl, Salute, for example; or if you’re really cool try Afiyaet oslun if your wine came from Azerbaijan. (But you won’t find any of that at Story!) “Bottoms Up” often works, but we wouldn’t recommend it for a boat race or a Can Can dance.

             Best also to know the whole program. After a wedding toast in Knoxville, Tennessee, the Church of God orchestra struck up the old hymn: “The Fight Is On.”  Shall we drink to that?

Vintage Story is an e-newsletter authored by Ole Olson and published by the Story Inn, and is available free of charge to all who appreciate good wine. Vintage Story is published at each full moon. The author and the Story Inn specifically authorize the republication, reprinting and circulation of any issue Vintage Story so long as due credit is given to the author and to the Story Inn (which holds the copyright).

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